Looking Past the Wedding
Did you know that according to research, the higher the cost of the wedding, the higher the rate of divorce? In fact, according to one study,
"marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony."
It can be very disheartening, especially working in the wedding industry. My personal view on this is that the more an extravagant wedding day is the focus, the less likelihood that the couple is looking past the wedding and preparing for a marriage.
Many brides identify with the "post-wedding blues" and it's something you should mentally prepare yourself for. You may not realize it, but while you're engaged and wedding planning, things are often "all about you." Even if you aren't the type of person who enjoys being the center of attention, being engaged tends to force it upon you. And then suddenly, the attention stops.
"How exciting!! Let me see the ring! He did so good!"
"Tell us the proposal story!"
"Have you set a date??"
"Where's the honeymoon??"
"Where are you getting married? What's the venue like? Tell use all about your plans!"
"How is wedding planning going?"
Not to mention the engagement parties, bridal showers, photo shoots, and bachelorette party! You've constantly got a reason to be in the spotlight (or shop for when you will be), and people are so excited for you.
"How was the honeymoon?"
"When are you planning on having kids?"
"How's married life?"
"It's all downhill from here."
It's no wonder the post-wedding blues exist! Not only are you suddenly not as interesting to literally every stranger you meet, but you also probably have a ton more time on your hands. It can be alarming to realize that you just spent your entire engagement focused on planning a party, and now you're alone with this man you married and nothing to busy yourself with.
My husband and I went through pre-marriage counseling at our church, and it was very helpful to teach us where we differ, what it means to live in selfless partnership with a selfish person (we're all selfish), and how to fight fairly.
Even if you aren't religious, pre-marriage counseling is available for you! I have good friends who were able to find a non-denominational counselor to guide them through pre-marriage counseling, and their employers even covered the sessions through benefits.
I am not a counselor, so this blog post isn't ending with how to better set yourself up for a successful marriage, but rather with a plea to consider this thought:
Are you spending your engagement planning for a wedding or preparing for a marriage?
Is all of your focus on the Wedding Day or on the years together afterwards?